


Heart

by Elfwitch



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied Relationships, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 07:42:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20060455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfwitch/pseuds/Elfwitch
Summary: Jaejoong missed Yunho and vice versa, that's all there was to it.





	Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Dong bang shin gi.   
An old fic of mine, written in 2011.

"... ugh." Yoochun made a face as he stared at the wine in his grip, the stupid fancy glass Junsu had handed to him; he just wanted to throw it and see it shatter. "What kind of wine is this?"

Junsu shrugged as he sat down opposite the other man, giving Yoochun a rather hollow look. The two had broken up, per say, after the lawsuit, the separation (they all refused to call it a break-up, the end) and were just... well, they were weird again, awkward. Junsu wasn't sure how he felt about it, but he wasn't going to be the one to dwell on it either. Forever smiling, was the role he accepted and played. Junsu didn't mind playing this game with Yoochun, has long as it meant they could always be together, in some form.

"You bought us wine to drink together and you don't know what it is?" Yoochun sounded irrited, unreasonably irritated. Junsu traced a finger over the rim of his glass and fixed Yoochun with a tired look.

"How are things with you and your girlfriend?"

Yoochun made a face. "I don't have a girlfriend, and I know that's not what you came over here to talk about."

It was so fucking annoying how Yoochun could see right through him. Their relationship was seriously fucked up.

"... Jaejoong, I'm worried about him."

"We're always worried about Jaejoong, what's so new about that?"

"I'm serious Yoochun, he's... I don't know!" Junsu nearly screamed, standing up. Everything, this whole thing was so stupid and screwed up. He missed the old days, when frivolous things like money didn't matter. This new-found freedom they had, was it worth it? Junsu didn't think so. Yoochun watched him steadily, the wine forgotten. "I think we should..." He trailed off, unsure.

"If you're going to say what I think you're going to say, forget it, there's no way it's going to work. They're busy promoting, Soo Man probably watches them like a hawk, hell, he probably even has people watching us, it's not going to work."

"You know as well I know that they need to see each other, Chunnie--"

"Don't call me that!" Yoochun snapped, standing up so suddenly he nearly tipped over the glass of wine on the small end table. Junsu's look was one of surprise, the distance between them suddenly like a chasm. "I mean... shit, Junsu, I'm sorry." Yoochun ran his hand tiredly over his face, his gaze suddenly dull as he looked down at the floor.

"This isn't fun for any of us, we're all suffering. Jaejoong is pretending to be strong at the moment, I think our best bet is to just pretend to be strong too and stand beside him, beside them, beside each other."

The silence that followed was tense and sad. Junsu's eyes were blurry, but he refused to believe they were tears. He couldn't bring himself to look at Yoochun either. Everything was so painful. He'd never felt so lost and alone in his life. Junsu was surprised that he didn't start when Yoochun wrapped his long arms around him, pulling him into the warmth and flatness of his body. 

Junsu closed his eyes when he felt lips press gently into the skin of his neck. 

A blast of cold air, the soft slamming of his apartment door. He was alone. 

Changmin looked up from the magazine he was reading, long dark strands of black falling into his eyes. Yunho was lounging on the living room couch, pretending to read an acting book, his phone vibrating like crazy on the table.

"Hyung, your phone is ringing."

Yunho looked like he was going to shrug, his brows furrowed. He then lifted his head up slightly and glanced over at it. Changmin went back to reading his magazine, if Yunho didn't want to answer his phone, that was his business.

"Hello...?" A sudden pause. "Junsu?" A sharp intake of breath. Changmin's head flew up. Yunho was no longer lying down, but in a sitting position, his body language tense. The magazine fell from Changmin's now lax fingers as he rushed over to where Yunho sat, pressing his more taller and leaner body against Yunho's, trying to hear Junsu's voice, motioning for Yunho to put the phone on speaker. Yunho batted the other man away and tried to breath around the sudden ache in his chest.

Soo Man had forced them to change their numbers, after... after what had happened. He hadn't heard from the other three since the... since the thing happened. How the hell had...?

Junsu laughed, that dolphin laugh he remembered so fondly, though it was cracked and broken. Yunho felt his heart constrict.

"Junsu... Junsu...?" What the hell was he saying? "Is... is Yoochun with you...?" Yunho swallowed the build-up of saliva in his throat. His pulse began to race... 

"... Jaejoong, Boo-jae, is he with you?"

Changmin leaned back. Hearing his former members name... former? Changmin ran his fingers through his damp hair, trying to block out memories of happier times. Trying to block out the darkness, the despair. It got so annoying being looked at as the youngest. Trapped between his pseudo parents, suffocating in their love and hate. He was still so angry, so confused. Changmin let out an airy sigh and leaned back on the couch, his knee knocking against Yunho's.

"... oh... I see." Yunho looked around him, as if expecting someone to come up and snatch his phone away from him. "Then..." 

Changmin glanced over at Yunho, the other man had grown incredibly silent, listening intently to whatever it was that Junsu was saying. What was he saying? He wanted to know so bad. How was Yoochun-hyung, GOD, even Jaejoong, Jaejoong... Changmin stopped himself from snatching the phone from Yunho's hand himself. The conversation only lasted a little near twenty minutes, but it seemed as if Yunho had been on the phone for an eternity in infinity.

Yunho placed his cell down carefully on the table, his mouth a thin line.

"... so what did he say?" Changmin whispered stiffly, trying to stifle his urgency. 

Did it surprise him when Yunho didn't answer him, but just stood up and walked off to his room, slamming the door closed behind him? Of course not.

That damn ringing. What the hell was it, his doorbell? Whoever it was could just fuck off, he was tired and they currently didn't have anything to do. At least he didn't think they did, did they?

"... mMMMMmmmhhh...!" Jaejoong groaned, stuffing his head underneath his pillow. The sound of the lock clicking actually startled him a bit. Jaejoong, suddenly not-so-hung over-anymore, waited with bated breath for whoever it was to make their presence known.

"Jae?" It was Yoochun, sounding a bit sluggish. Jaejoong let out an 'OOMPH!' when Yoochun's tall, skinny body fell over his own. 

"Yoochun, I love you, but what the hell are you doing here?" Jaejoong sighed as he was forced out of his cocoon of covers. Blindly groping for his shades he slipped them on before sitting up, shoving Yoochun off him.

Yoochun playfully clutched his heart. "That's cruel Jae, you said we were always welcome here."

"I lied." Jaejoong played back, smiling down at the other man. "Seriously though, I do have a phone."

"Yeah... I just wanted to see you, that's all."

The smile slipped off Jaejoong's face. He climbed out the bed and stretched.

"You don't have to avoid this, I know you love Yunho."

Jaejoong was more surprised at his non-reaction to hearing that man's name than Yoochun was. Yoochun watched him carefully, a bit perplexed, normally hearing their former leader's name made the other man snap out at them in a rage. The fact that Jaejoong didn't react to hearing Yunho's name bothered Yoochun, more than he wanted to admit.

"Where's Junsu? Normally he's always sending me silly messages, is he OK?"

"Don't ignore the subject either Jae, what the hell?" Yoochun exclaimed, sitting up.

"I don't want to talk about this--"

"Will you stop avoiding it! Jaejoong you're driving me crazy, this isn't healthy!"

Jaejoong walked out the room. Yoochun was quick to follow grabbing Jaejoong's wrist. The other man turned around sharply and shoved Yoochun back. Yoochun couldn't see Jaejoong's eyes, because of the sunglasses, but the tears falling down his cheeks couldn't be hidden. Yoochun felt himself deflate, his own eyes filling with warm tears. "Jae..." Before the other man could try to get away from him, Yoochun pulled him into his body, locking his longer arms around Jaejoong and holding him in place.

"Yoochun," Jaejoong's voice sounded dangerous. "Let me go."

"No," Yoochun held tighter. "We're stupid Jaejoong, so stupid."

Jaejoong stared over Yoochun's shoulder unwillingly, unseeingly. He wanted to shove, push, scratch, something to get Yoochun to fucking let him go, so he could... escape? Jaejoong let out a shuddering breath and relented, clutching at Yoochun's shirt like a lifeline. There was no end to this hurt, paralyzing him.

Yoochun kissed Jaejoong's flat stomach and then stared up at him, his expression hesitant. Jaejoong ran his fingers through Yoochun's hair and pulled the other up, suddenly no longer comfortable with this thing between the two of them. Yoochun touched Jaejoong's right cheek with the tips of his fingers, wanting to inhale the scent of his hair, but at the same time just wanting to turn around and leave. Junsu was on his mind, like the other man was sometimes. He thought of Junsu's bright laughter hugged against his chest, the other mans fingers tangled with his own as they laid together. Yoochun bit down on his bottom lip.

"What the hell are we doing Joongie, we don't want each other, we never did."

Jaejoong's features were unreadable, he didn't respond.

"We don't love each other that way... when we make love, have sex... you're thinking of Yunho and I'm thinking of Junsu--I want to be with him, but I feel so guilty--" Yoochun broke off, a soft cry escaping from his lips. It came so easily to Yoochun. Damn it, his heart was breaking for the one thousandth time. It just wasn't fair. He looked back at Jaejoong as the other man trailed his blunt nails up his clothed arm. Their eyes locked. The kiss was brief, soft, full of despair and so many what-if's.

"I've been selfish," Jaejoong began, his voice trembling slightly. "I'm sorry."

"Jaejoong," Yoochun breathed, confused. Jaejoong pushed him away, gently. Yoochun didn't need to be told twice.

Jaejoong sat at his kitchen table, the light dim, lazily stroking his cats fur, texting, a glass of cheap red wine in front of him. He was pleasantly tipsy, a little tired and incredibly lonely. A couple of his friends had wanted him to go out with them tonight, but he wasn't in the mood. Tonight was one of those nights where he couldn't get Yunho out of his head no matter how hard he tried. 

If he thought hard enough, closing his eyes, he could feel Yunho's strong body behind him, his fingers on his waist, leaning casually into him. His nose pressed into the soft, bleached strands of his hair. I love you, lingering in the air around them. Jaejoong melting into his strong body, his plump lips curving up into an content smile. I'll always love you, dancing in the air around them.

Jaejoong snapped his eyes open (when had he closed them?) when he heard his cell phone go off. His ringer tearing at his nerves. He picked his cell up and squinted down at the number, he didn't recognize it.

"Hello...?" He spoke into the phone, his voice sounding unsure. It could be someone he knew.

The gasp that escaped his mouth when he heard the voice on the other end, recognized it, shattered the silence around him, as well as his heart. If this was some cruel joke... there was no way it could be him, there was no way this beautiful, so very much so missed voice, could be his Yunho.

Boojae...? Boo... 

That was all it took to convince him and un-do him at the same time. His heart would never recover.


End file.
